update: my coworker responds to everything I ask him to do with profanity and “your mom” jokes

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager, when I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter from the person whose coworker responded to everything she asked him to do with profanity, name-calling, flat refusals, and and “your mom” jokes? She updated earlier here and here and here and here, and here’s the latest.

It’s Addison from the Rude Name-Calling Clerk saga. I know I sent a lot of updates but since it’s the year anniversary of ME LEAVING THAT HORRIBLE PLACE I WAS AT a week or so ago, I thought maybe it might be nice to share? I always kind of felt dumb about my last submission that was basically “hey guys, still here at this abusive job but I enjoy my work so hopefully it gets better someday, ha ha happy ending!” and the commenters, bless them, were like “this… really isn’t a happy ending at all.” OH HOW RIGHT THEY WERE.

How I left is a long story but it basically goes like this: the position I had been waiting for finally opened up, which would have freed me from that dead-end crap department I was working in for six years (and actually would have made me Rude Clerk’s direct supervisor… hahaha). Our receptionist was interested too, so I helped her with her application and resume and said, hey, if you get it instead of me, I’ll offer to take your spot at the front desk because I enjoy doing that too. I thought any move would be a good move at that point. New file clerk gal who I thought was cool said she didn’t want the job. So I applied, had an interview with the Important People, smashed it, thought I had it in the bag. Excitedly came back and told File Clerk all about it. She asked me a bunch of questions but didn’t seem super excited for me. Thought nothing of it.

Next day, File Clerk goes in for an interview for the same job. Used everything I told Receptionist and also her to blow it out of the park. I also happened across work-IMs (left up in plain sight, I took screenshots) between Receptionist and File Clerk calling me horrible names and sharing info specifically to oust me from getting either job. I blocked and removed not just those two from social media but also everyone at the entire company that I had added and posted something mean about File Clerk on Instagram … dumb but I was so crushed. Receptionist made a dummy account to look at my stuff and screenshotted it, showed Horrible Boss, who got together with those two and told the big bosses that I had tagged File Clerk in this post and was bullying and intimidating her in a show of poor sportsmanship. What’s funny is shortly after posting this mean post, I went to Horrible Boss and gave her a brief account of the situation and asked her, “Do I have cause to feel upset that this is happening? I’m being used and betrayed and it’s not even the job, I just feel hurt personally, I thought we were friends” and Horrible Boss basically said to just get over it. So I did and deleted the post. That was all in the span of an hour. So yeah.

Anyway so they let me go the following Monday (they kept pressing me to give them the evidence that I said I had of being bullied myself, or to prove that they would have go way out of their way to see what I had posted/that it wasn’t tagged and I refused, why take a parting shot? I just wanted out of there) and it was the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! I cried for like, an hour? And then my beautiful amazing best friend said “dude, you’re free. Celebrate” and we got super tanked and partied all weekend, it was amazing. Then a few weeks later I flew out east to visit my crush that I’ve been friends with for 10 years, we Made It Happen, and I moved out east a month later. I had been wanting to leave the west coast basically since I got there, never liked it, missed home so much. I found a place and a job (call center, nothing fancy, but I could write novels to you about how incredible HR has been treating me and how beautifully they’re handling the Covid-19 crisis, they transitioned us fully to WFH and god, it’s like night and day, I’ve already been given growth opportunities and they just… treat me so well, it’s a shock to my system) right away and now I’m renting my own place for the first time in my life, live with an amazing partner (tragically we’re quarantined apart at the moment but both healthy), got a super fluffy orange kitty, have great neighbors, and it’s beautiful here. Also like a week after I left that crap job I met my real dad for the first time thanks to 23andme, never knew him, and he has this beautiful amazing family and welcomed me as his kid and is amazing and it’s just. Wow! Life is so good and it’s just so INTERESTING, isn’t it, that all this seemed to come to me once I finally got free of that toxic cesspit I was working at.

So yeah, success story. Thank you and everyone who gave me advice and support during that wild time and I hope all of you are doing well during these crazy times. I wish all the love and safety in the world for you all.

update: my coworker responds to everything I ask him to do with profanity and “your mom” jokes was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

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